Sex Therapy: When to see a therapist and how accessories can be a tool in therapy

If your sexuality, whether alone or in a relationship, instead of being a source of pleasure, closeness and satisfaction, has become a source of frustration, pain, anxiety or distance - it is time to consider seeking professional sex therapy. Sex therapy, administered by a certified sex therapist (sexologist), is designed to address a wide range of sexual and functional challenges. In addition to conversations and exercises, in modern sex therapy, sex toys can be used as highly effective therapeutic tools, aiding in self-discovery, improving communication and increasing pleasure.

When should you seek sex therapy?

Seeking sexual therapy is not a sign of weakness or failure, but an active and responsible step towards improving your quality of life and personal and marital well-being. If you recognize that sexual difficulties are negatively affecting your mood, self-confidence or relationship, this is a "warning light" indicating the need for professional support. Functional difficulties:

• Difficulty reaching orgasm (anorgasmia): If you have difficulty or are unable to reach satisfaction, alone or with your partner(s), despite sufficient stimulation.
• Pain during intercourse (dyspareunia): If you experience pain during penetration or any other sexual activity.
• Lack of interest or decreased libido: A feeling of diminished or complete lack of desire for sexual activity.
• Vaginismus: Involuntary contraction of the vaginal muscles that prevents or makes it difficult to penetrate or use a tampon/gynecological examination.
• Performance anxiety: Increased stress or worry about "performing" or being able to satisfy the other party, which can affect arousal and pleasure.

Emotional and interpersonal difficulties:

• Gaps in sexual desire: When there are significant differences in the level of sexual desire between you and your partner, which causes frustration or distance.
• Poor communication about sex: Difficulty talking openly about sexual desires, fantasies, boundaries, or difficulties.
• Sexual trauma: Dealing with the consequences of past sexual abuse that affect present sexuality.
• Sexual insecurity: Feelings of shame, guilt, or discomfort about your sexuality or your body.
• Desire to enrich and explore : Even if there is no clear "problem," many turn to therapy to expand knowledge, break routines, and explore different fetishes or sexual identities.

It's important to know that sex therapy does not require only partnered sexuality: even if you are single or not currently in a relationship, sex therapy can be focused on improving your relationship with your sexuality, self-discovery, and increasing self-pleasure.

The use of accessories as a therapeutic tool: why and how?

In the past, the use of sex toys was taboo, and there was a fear that their use would lead to “dependence.” Today, many sex therapists see sex toys as an essential therapeutic tool – a kind of temporary “crutches” or “trainers” for reconnecting with the body and pleasure.

Why incorporate sex toys into treatment?

Self-Exploration:

1. Improve body awareness: The accessories allow you to explore what types of touch, pressure, and vibration activate your arousal mechanisms. It's a safe, non-judgmental way to discover your "pleasure map."
2. Increased autonomy: You learn to take responsibility for your own pleasure, without being dependent on others for satisfaction. This is a significant step in sexual empowerment.

Communication Tool:

1. Normalizing the conversation: Introducing a sex toy into the bedroom, with the guidance of a therapist, can break the ice and open a conversation about topics like fantasies, boundaries, and desires. It's easier to discuss the vibration of a vibrator than the difficulty of reaching orgasm.
2. Demonstration and learning: The accessory can be used to demonstrate to your partner exactly what you like, thus reducing the need for guesswork and misunderstanding.

Addressing specific functional difficulties:

1. Treatment of Anorexia (Difficulty in Orgasm): For many women, especially those who need focused and intense clitoral stimulation that is not sufficiently received during penetrative sex, a vibrator can be the most effective and fastest way to experience orgasm. Then, you learn to "integrate" this pleasure into the joint activity.
2. Vaginismus and pain: Dilators of various sizes, which are a type of sexual accessory, are a key tool in the treatment of vaginismus and dyspareunia (pain), as they allow the vagina to gradually become accustomed to touch and penetration, while practicing relaxation of the pelvic floor muscles.

How to incorporate accessories into therapy – common exercises:

• "Mirror Task" and "Vibrator Task": A sex therapist may instruct you, as part of your homework, to perform self-touch exercises with a vibrator at varying levels of intensity, in order to learn the body's reactions, without performance anxiety and without demanding a result (orgasm).
• Sharing Practice: If you are in a relationship, your therapist may suggest exercises in which one partner operates the device on the other, while the rest of the body focuses on closeness and pleasure. This creates a new play space, releases functional pressure, and increases intimacy and openness.
• Sexual mindfulness practice: Using accessories can be combined with mindfulness exercises, in which you focus on the bodily sensations created by the accessory (vibration, pressure, heat), with the aim of increasing presence in the sexual moment and reducing distractions or judgmental thoughts.

Popular questions and answers about sexual therapy and accessories

Should I seek sex therapy only when there is a crisis?
Not necessarily. While a crisis is a common trigger, it’s also a good idea to reach out when you’re feeling ongoing dissatisfaction, or want to explore, learn, and improve your sex life. Sex therapy is a proactive tool for overall sexual health. Early intervention can prevent a minor difficulty from becoming a major problem.

Can using a vibrator make me "addicted" and unable to reach orgasm without it?
This is an outdated concept. Modern studies show that women who use a vibrator report an overall improvement in sexual function and increased pleasure, including during intercourse with their partners. A vibrator is a tool that teaches the body to achieve satisfaction; this knowledge, acquired through the vibrator, can later help you direct yourself and your partner to the right stimulation even without it. The goal of treatment is to use it consciously and regulated, not to create dependence.

What is the difference between a sex therapist and a sex counselor?
A sex therapist (certified sexologist) is a professional with extensive academic and clinical training in mental or couples therapy, who has undergone additional specialization in sexual health and therapy. She treats functional, emotional, and interpersonal difficulties related to sexuality. In contrast, a sex counselor usually provides information, education, and guidance on sexual issues, but does not engage in in-depth treatment of complex clinical difficulties. It is recommended that you make sure that your therapist holds a recognized certificate in sex therapy.

How can I know which sex toy is best for me to start with?
In the first step, your sex therapist will help you understand your exact needs. If the problem is anorgasmia, you may start with a focused external vibrator (such as a clitoral vibrator or a sucker vibrator ), while if the problem is vaginismus, you may be asked to use dilators. It is recommended to start with high-quality accessories, made of body-safe materials (such as medical-grade silicone) and free of harmful substances, to maintain your sexual health.

A variety of sexual enhancement accessories - waiting for you on the shelves of Selfish

Your journey to self-discovery and sexual empowerment begins with choosing the right tools. As you’ve seen, sex toys are a legitimate and important part of the modern therapy toolbox, but it’s important to choose accessories that respect your body and your health. At Selfish, we believe in enhancing your intimate experience, which is why we offer a wide selection of the highest quality sex toys in the world, with strict standards. From sex toys for women designed for precise stimulation to accessories for couples, each of our products is designed to help you explore your unique sexuality with confidence and pleasure.

We are here to break down traditional sexual barriers and provide you with tools that will not only enhance physical pleasure, but also contribute to mental and emotional health.

Don't settle for less than the best for your body. Visit Selfish, an online sex accessory store, now and discover the next accessory that will enhance your sexual journey - because you deserve a rich and fulfilling intimate life!